Never thought at 17 my life would be over, for a choice I made trying to avoid shame my Senior Year. My name is Mercedes & as I look down at my Helpless body with tubes running out of my mouth, and chest; with a hysterical Mother, confused Bestfriend, crying siblings and a praying Father. I wonder was my decision Worth an early visit to the unknown. To be honest I'm not sure if this is Limbo or Purgatory, but I know it's so many people here who seem to be crying; and lost but it's not Heaven or Hell. Its silence, I dont hear anything, but as I look in other people eyes and faces I see Terror, and Severe pain. We all have on red, which isn't complimenting my complexion one bit. I know the stories of Heaven and Hell and I've read the Bible numerous times and this place definitely doesn't fit the description at all for Heaven or Hell. I suppose to be graduating next month, last week we just took Senior portraits. Monifa Monae did me and my bestfriend Britney's makeup and we were excited about being Leopards; Class of 2020 for Mattie T Blount High School. Maybe this is all a nightmare because I didn't see Vincent by my bedside, which was confusing. Vincent Martin Roberts Jr. was my boyfriend of 3yrs, we had been dating since the 9th grade. Everyone called him Vj and he was the finest guy walking the halls at Blount. Caramel complexion, waves to match his fade, with a pretty boy style and hood demeanor, to make the girls go crazy. I was proud to call him my man because every girl wanted him. We had been going through alot this Senior year, due to him catching a charge for drugs. My mother was the First Lady and my father the Pastor of Lily Hope #3 Episcopal Church of Christ in Prichard Alabama. They have mentioned time after time they didn't want me dating a pretty boy thug but to me he was my Hero. My uncle raped me for years and prayer never stopped him. I was hurting on the inside wondering why God never saved a wretch like me??? Let alone my parents who I told at 9 years old and they prayed for me and told the congregation I was battling with rebellious spirits. My uncle died when I was 12 and that's when it all stopped but I was lost with everything that was going on with my body. Then I met Vj and my world changed drastically. I felt Loved, Appreciated, Worthy, and more like a lady supposed to feel. He listened to me, unlike my parents who prayed about everything and did absolutely nothing. Last week I had a positive pregnancy test after missing my Period in January. Vj was so excited but not me because this will make my Parents look really bad within the Religious Community. Vj said we could stay with his mom but Vj was the oldest of 5 and I couldn't talk myself into being a burden on his mom who was a single mother of 5 kids. I had saved up some money from baby sitting Sister Diane Children. I could have an Abortion during spring break, no one would ever know and get back to school like nothing happened. My plan was to lie to Vj and tell him I miscarried from stressing. Yes I had my plan all mapped out. I used my cousin Lauren I.D. because you had to be 19 to have it done without a Guardian. The Abortion came in stages, the first stage was blood work and a ultrasound to see how far along we were. Wow, it was so many girls there; all races and ages. It was a 14 yr old there with her mom. I could tell it was something her mom was making her do, because she cried the entire time in the lobby begging her mom for them to go and to dont do this to her baby. I hated to see the pain in her eyes and the disappointment and coldness in her mother's eyes. It was a group of 10 young women including me. So the second stage wasnt so bad. They put us in a room and made us watch a video on the steps and procedure of the Abortion. Going off my ultrasound I was 8 weeks, I heard the heartbeat and my baby looked like a Lima bean. That made me feel better because I didn't see a baby on the screen. The third stage was the actual procedure. The entire procedure itself took 10 minutes, that felt like a lifetime. My insides felt like they were being ripped apart by Jason, Freddy and Michael Myers all on Friday the 13th. I never felt so violated before in my life, not even the first time my uncle touched me at 5 years old. I felt so empty after the procedure, I felt cold and on E. My bestfriend came with me to drive me after the procedure because they stated some of us may be too weak to drive. My bestfriend picked me up and we drove in silence. She was lowkey mad at me for doing this to myself, my baby and most of all Vj because he loved me. She promised not to tell and I love her for being exactly that, loyal. That night I stayed in bed and told my mom my cycle was on and I was cramping. The cramps was so painful I was shaking from pain and my heart was beating extremely bad. Is this normal because I don't remember them mentioning any of this in the video?The next day I woke up in a puddle of blood with a fever of 103.5. I call my bestfriend and asked her what i should do? It took me an hour to clean my bed and myself because I could barely move. I had no strength to do anything, was this normal? The last thing i remember was walking to Britney car. I was unaware that the center who did my procedure wasn't license in the state of Alabama. The doctor who did my procedure did an incomplete abortion which caused my body to go into Septic Shock. Septic shock often occurs after an abortion. It strikes when your body gets a bacterial infection. Septic Shock occurs when an infection overtakes your body and causes very low blood pressure.When I was having severe cramps, I should have told someone but I was ashamed of letting them know that not only did I get pregnant but I also had an Abortion. As I laid there all night, the infection went from my uterus throughout my entire body. By the time Britney got me to the hospital I was unresponsive. It was too late, my Bestie kept a secret that caused me my life!!!Dear Heavenly Father, I'm sorry, please forgive me for what I have done. Mommy, Daddy, Vickie, Damian and Sara, Vj, and Britney I never meant to hurt you guys, I love you💜
If you are a Young Mother or know a Young Mother in need of support contact the: "Love Line" 1(888)550-1588MERCIFUL MERCEDES-MERCIFUL MERCEDES- They are Providing support for single moms and women facing unplanned pregnancies, who feel they have exhausted all opportunities for resources in their area. Our hope is to discover the need, uncover hidden resources and connect her with one of our volunteer advocates in her area to help.
LoveLine is accessible 24/7/365.Please Spread for Awareness Written by: Author L. Patterson founder of Ambitiously Him Her- King FoundationMarch for Life- Mobile, Al can direct you in the direction to help save your life and your Unborn baby life💜